Happened This Week #1

Welcome to the inaugural edition of “Happened This Week”, or as we prefer to call it, HTW. This is where we bring you only the news we care about.

So, without further ado (since we got lots to do), let’s get down to it, shall we?

In literature news, two old classics are back in news.

Author Eoin Colfer of The Artemis Fowl fame, is coming out with the sequel to The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series by Douglas Adams - “And another thing…”. Given how we like Artemis Fowl books, we are betting our towels that the title doesn’t just refer to ‘and another book’ in the already 5 part trilogy.

Bram Stoker’s great grand-nephew, Dacre Stoker is writing “Dracula the Un-Dead”, sequel to Dracula, based on Bram Stoker’s notes. Insiders strongly denied the rumours that in the book, Count Dracula goes back to Highschool as a teenager and falls in love with a lovely loner.

In sports news (read cricket news, because seriously, who cares for other sports), Champions Trophy is all set to enter the final stages, with 4 teams gearing up for semi-finals. I know, we don’t care either, we just wanted to lengthen the post.

Another cricket news: 100 and 200 metre WR holder, Usain Bolt tried his hand at cricket after a long time, only to get run out (link for baseball fans out there)  on 13. On hearing the news, Dada called our reporters, “And you used to blame me for being slow between the wickets?”

 

And, that’s it for this HTW edition. Tune in next time for more news we might want to let you know about.

New Coach for Indian Team Announced...

*FLASH NEWS* (Sent by guest editor Silverine)

Mumbai - At a recently concluded Press Conference the Chief of BCCI announced that they have decided on the people who will coach a totally new Indian Cricket Team. The selected people and their designations are given below. It is hoped that the vast experience and expertise of these people will help mold a World Class Indian Cricket Team.


Sachin Tendulkar: Chief Coach
Sourav Ganguly: Assistant Coach
Dhoni: Adviser to Chief Coach
Sreesanth: Adviser to Assistant Coach

Anil Kumble: Chief Bowling Coach
Harbhajan Singh: Assistant to Chief Bowling Coach
Irfan Pathan: Assistant Bowling Coach
Zaheer Khan: Assistant to Assistant Bowling Coach

Yuvraj Singh: Chief Fielding Coach
Dhoni: Assistant Fielding Coach
Munaf Patel: Assistant to Chief Fielding Coach

Rahul Dravid: Chief Batting Coach
Virender Sehwag: Assistant Batting Coach
Dinesh Karthik: Adviser to Chief Batting Coach
Robin Uthapa: Adviser to Assistant Batting Coach

The team selection will be concluded in a couple of years or four, but the appointment of the coaches is immediate. According to inside sources corporates like Frankinn Airhostess School, Achumama School of Charm and Faultless English and Uma Bharti Finishing School have already booked the coaches for endorsements.

According to the BCCI the line-up of new coaches of the next India World Cup squad is deadly enough to give the sponsors good mileage for their money.

When this reporter asked a BCCI official about the probables for the next "Indian World Cup Team" he said quote "Indian Cricket Team? Whatiteez?" unquote.

India's WC Woes Continue

Trinidad - The reporters who attended the press conference of Indian coach Greg Chappell were shocked when the coach stumbled and fell down while indignantly storming out of the room at the end of the conference. They were even more shocked when he started spewing smoke and a speaker fell out of his mouth.

It was later revealed by the witnesses that what they thought to be the coach of Indian cricket team was a robot, which malfunctioned at the end of a particularly emotionally taxing and hard-hitting question-answer session. This revelation throws some light on what many called "scratched-record answers" given by Greg Chappell, as the apparently hastily-prepared robot was found to be programmed to say only phrases like, "That's an inflammatory question", "This is not a time to answer that", "I am not going to comment on that", "We were not good enough" and "The team was under pressure".

But, the reasons behind this "switch" are not clear. Though many attribute this to the depressed Indian coach's reluctance to show his face in public and emotional inability to face the questions, conspiracy theories abound. Based on the new stories coming out of the eve of the Sri Lanka match and the apparent refusal of Chappell to come out on the ground on the match day (which surprised many and at the time was attributed to his nursing an injured finger), some experts are putting the time of the "switch" on the afternoon before the Sri Lanka match. This in their opinion explains the lenient attitude of the coach in the pre-match conference, as well as the controller(/s?)' wish to keep the secret from getting "exposed" in the daylight.

As the rumours that this might be the reason behind India's defeat to Sri Lanka surfaced, the only answer our reporters could get from a call with a metallic-voiced team spokesperson was, "This is an inflammatory question and we are not ready to answer that right now".