MEA To Turn To Porn, Tabloids For Fresh Fodder

New Delhi - Sources in the Ministry of External Affairs (MEA) say that several staffers in the Ministry will soon embark on a new offensive to find things that are offensive in places never noticed before. This new mission will involve going through hundreds of pornographic books, videos and websites to find anything that is offensive to he Indian culture or Indian peoples. They will also be buying all the tabloids available in supermarkets. Once something offensive is detected, the MEA will then register protest over it with the relevant governments or corporations.

This new mission has been launched following the success of offence-taking exercises against a two-bit talentless unknown and unimportant NRI comedian Gautham Prasad, and against the trashy UK TV show Big Brother.

"We have now successfully targeted the seediest reality TV show around, and a comedian previously known to approximately 7 people. It is only logical that we move on to porn and tabloids next." a senior official in the MEA confessed on conditions of anonymity.

Rumours of this offensive have got struggling newcomers in the porn industry excited, as they see in this decision a sure-shot formula for fame. A spokesman for "They See Films", who specialise in voyeur porn with an Indian flavour, said "All of us at 'They See' are very excited about this offensive. We are trying to come up with ways to insult the Indian culture so that we get the kind of publicity that you just can't buy."

This move is also expected to further boost the revenues of 'F.E.G. Inc', a company that specialises in the manufacture and sale of equipment and supplies needed for street protests. 2006 was a record year for company, with revenues up by 1300%. There is also talk of an IPO next month.

The offensive will be formally launched in Indore on February 14, which the government will be naming as "Offence Day", a day to express anger and disgust at everything that insults or goes against Indian culture.

Obscenity Case Filed Against Apsaras

Dec 23, 2006, KLNS

Blogosphere: A case has been filed against Apsaras in Indian mythology, including Menaka, Urvashi and others, under Sections 292 (vulgarity) and 509 (derogatory to women) of the Indian Penal Code. The case cites various instances where they distracted various rishis from their tapasya according to Mahabharata and Ramayana (amongst other historical accounts). The case also cites Vyasa as co-defendant due to his descriptions in Mahabharata of these stories.

The complainant has alleged that women across ages have felt offended after reading the scenes and they also promoted vulgarity in society, especially among the youth. Also, many a women have felt inferior due to the descriptions of the beautiful apsaras given in our mythological literature.

When asked how the court can find the defendants, the complainant said, "Since Vyasa is one of the eight Chiranjiv, there should not be any problem for him to appear in front of court. The same goes for the apsaras." If the defendants do not appear before court on given dates, they may be cited for contempt of court, and a non-bailable arrest warrant can be issued, he added. He also added that he has asked Vyasa to stop using the "Maharshi" epithet due to his role in maligning hindu culture.

Many organisations have shown their whole-hearted support for the complainant, and have expressed their readiness to take up any costs the case might incur. "This case represents a major point in our fight against obscenity in our culture, which promotes vulgarity amongst our children. We are looking forward to winning this case, and there are plans for more such cases in future," the complainant told our Khabarilal.